Now that were together let’s make it last forever
Soul searching is what I engaged in as my small brother jj conspired to deny me sleep. Buoyed by overwhelming support from my cousin ‘procure’ among others who think sleep has to be accompanied by deeply disturbing guttural sounds. Forty winks bye reflections Hi! jj’s must be a medical condition that has to do with sinuses but I don’t know; my father failed to convince me enough to pursue a career in medicine.
Let’s look at past events that form core of my wandering thoughts on this night in focus. I analyze my father’s questions directed at my kid brother Yang as concerns his friend. He wanted to know if this friend of his was a girl given he came home bearing gifts for his siblings from the said ‘friend’. Also he surprised us by asking if it was the same girl he had seen him with some time back. Given answers in the affirmative he threw a few jibes at him. Since I was handicapped I could not contribute and I really wanted to. It is the first time he has ever spoken as regard this ‘taboo’ subject. Other questions asked are not for public consumption.
Go to school, get a job, get a wife and get me some grandchildren is the hallowed formula the old folks work with. That’s why am not too keen on writing a CV this would ultimately set me on this domino effect one-way trip. Speaking of trips brings to mind my cousin Odhis/Colombo who works in Wajir. I’ve seen the old man in action and Colombo struggling to explain the reason(s) as to why he had not brought home a girl he was intending to marry. I was later to give Colombo a few tricks on how to lay off the pressure. The questions to Yang were on a light but not too light a note.
With the loving aunties I have it is expected that they will take the initiative for their son with a failure to launch. You know how they do it; talk to a girl willing to come live in the city as they play the part of Jesus Christ’s,” I will send you a helper !”. And Pap! On your door step she reports acting shy and wifely. Be afraid. Be very afraid when Mami, yes Mami begins asking uncharacteristic questions as she plans for your graduation party ten years away. “do you have a girlfriend?” and then dramatically clapping her hands,”Wolololo yaye! Wuod Abiero I will go on a fast for you!”
You see am not completely helpless. Am I not a poet? Aunty, it’s not speaking with a girl that has defeated me! Forget I said that females are a petrifying species and no, I have no harbored strong dislike. Gay is more ‘politically correct’ and no again to that! Eish! Tho yawa!
Pondering,”your girlfriend is so lucky!” and “why don’t you have a girlfriend” followed by some strung up adjectives meant to highlight my fitting the description of the perfect boyfriend. Somehow this translates to qualities of a heaven sent lover as I have hitherto featured in a number of dreams and/or fantasies. In light of these developments and other offers I find myself at the crossroad of indecision; especially when your rationale is shouted down by the fluttering in your heart. It’s the butterflies.
The cock crowed at 4 a.m. as I proceeded to debate with myself. I’d like to know if ever you heard of ‘emotional adultery’. Am not talking of love when I write, ‘’ If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right” and am not in a singing mood either. When it feels so good why does it hurt so bad. My student (or former student) at her insightful best says that there comes an unfortunate time in any relationship in the form of ‘the talk’. This is when we try to define and structure the sum of emotions shared and envision a future if any.
I am lost in reveries of has been and wishes of might be.
I am the bachelor
In the name of Ngugi wa Thiong’o, I WILL MARRY WHEN I WANT!!