Happily ever after

I can’t wait to grow old. Then see myself look back at myself during trying times. Reminiscence on my troubles and if they ought to have taken so much of my energy, decisions I made right or wrong and the price I paid. Was any of it worth it? It’s just that I saw this couple so in tune to the rhythms of their care for each other. What lessons I learnt and what would I imbue the youth gifted to me by time. Will I be strong enough to carry the cross of regrets its constant pounding or will I give in to pessimism and bitterness.

Way past sex and wealth and beauty and speed and future plans. We determine our fates. We hold the key in our hands. Will I deserve my lot? Will you be there for me and will you be there with me?

She said she fell in love with the sunset and I said to her, in my head at least I did, “why don’t you fall in love with me?” Then I remembered what mama said and I would ask,” Why don’t you grow in love with me?”Be there to watch the sunset with me…

Don’t picture me plucking rose petals sighing. You can’t wait forever when time waits for no man.

My mind transfixed on the couple I saw that must have discovered the key. They still walk hand in hand and stare into each others eyes and just talk. Could it be patience? Did they and do they believe in ‘the one’ perfect match for each man? The things I will know then should I have known now would have made life so much simpler. They say to me that we complicate our existence. They look so pure and heavenly that I can’t ask. Maybe I should cancel out a few items from my ideal mate list. I won’t ask. It’s because my glass house will be shattered.

My happily ever after that ends with the wedding. A poet said to me,”wedding ni easy, marriage ni kazi” don’t ruin my Samantha Bridal party. You are not in the guest list. My honey moon is due and my loving is true if you pick the cue; croon me in a five star cruise, ship me to where ever your pay check shall choose. Before reality kicks in and I can see my in-laws in my every soundless dream/ nightmare kiss me and say “I do”. (for now “I’ll do”?) Tsk! an exchange of vows and / or promises; what’s that worth? The ring should be worth two three month’s salary bla bla bla…

A friend said to me that she would love the one she marries and not marry the one she loves. So what is marriage? That is besides being a shelter from stigma of conceiving out of wed lock. On account of being from an inferior religious affiliation my nephew was denied entry into this institution. Call me anti-establishment.

Why do we get married? I won’t ask my parents that. Tell me why you will get married or why you got married. Answer me today and then again in five, ten years away or more. Check your motives and thoughts; I borrow from Lauryn Hill’s spoken word.

I don’t like anything with and end not even a happy ending. “I stay in it for the kids” and “irreconcilable differences” and …am not listening!

What’s more beautiful than young love?

Old love.


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