three steps (in)to eternity

there is a site just outside of the town. iten. its the kerio valley view point. the scene is apportioned three colours. the viewer occupies the fore ground on a rock outcrop reddish brown. the middle ground is lush green giving way to grey and the horizon.  picturesque

think of it as three steps to eternity. the rock outcrop is a cliff. a tree grows from its base and only its branches are visible like so many arms and fingers of the damned reaching out. on the next step are homes and farms. smoke from a hut hangs midair. frozen. in time.  the land falls into the mist of the hills and valley. dreamy

out of view, the tarmac snakes into the surrounding hillside .”take a picture” i turn to the biker. stepping back; one step. two step. towards the edge. (the edge of reason) – a private joke. arms outstretched,  “make sure its a good one!…”

_ its my last.

it is beautiful; the sound of a trickling stream, little birds and insects. a basking coloured lizards nods at you and you take it all in as you shut your eyes and turn your face to the sunshine. still, there is a coolness in the air, it is beautiful… and dangerous too; terrifying even. like a girl.

I am a simple man i dream about loving you and you in return

and my simple mind is filled with thoughts of you

and you will be mine,

someday

someday – chris adwar .song

… one autumn night the disciple woke up crying. so the master asked the disciple:

did you have a nightmare?

– no

did you have a sad dream?

-no

said the disciple

– i had a sweet dream

then why are you crying so sadly?

the disciple answered quietly while wiping his tears

– because the dream i had cant come true

‘a bittersweet life’ .movie

you agree. or you keep quiet when it emerges from her impassioned monologue, that it wouldn’t be in both your best interest not to be or try to be anything but friends. you aren’t even friends to start with; by your submission you are acquaintances, at best!

its the rules. her’s no doubt, you conclude, but putting it into context, it could be – ‘the girl code’. you are standing with three girls. all friends. here is the clincher – one is your sister (and) you dont hold it against her.

“the very fact of your existence (our friendship) makes it implausible (he is your brother!) darling, this is not to say that i wish death upon you!…”

watching, with arms crossed behind your back you are invisible. the world rolls by in slow motion. the night grows old and the street lights give out a dull yellow glow. the stillness of the air is disturbed by cars chased by cold.  the friends hug their ‘shukas’ tighter and part for home.

now on the edge, the height is dizzying. Just one more step. ” tell her how you feel !” ? hm. why would you address a work of art? isn’t that the hallmark of madness. to what purpose would you tell nature of its alluring beauty?

i’ll say: … you do it for yourself!

… i search for the emotion on her face that will save me… <pause> . eternity. <pause>. have you ever heard of this one: we die twice; once, when we stop breathing, and again, when someone calls your name for the last time.

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