limitless

 

“niliota nilikuona ukiendesha gari kubwa”

“eeeh?”

“nilikuona na gari kubwa”

“hm. Lori?”

We both laugh

.

I’m not an aggressive man but I have a plan. I improvise as I go along. My plan is to be wealthy. Let somebody else have-not it’s my turn to eat. Githongo and whoever can write another book. It doesn’t have to be that way. Anyway, starvation has enlightened me fasting is another matter.

There is so much on offer in the world you only have to be aware of the endless possibilities that are available. Then you have to open yourself to its actualization in reality. The best things in life are free. The best things in life are not things. There is nothing for nothing. I am ready to pay the cost to be the boss. Calculate the risk and take a chance. Note to self; take your own medicine.

It is cliché that those that have made it are only men. We’ve heard the rhetorical “what do they have that you don’t?” – A conscious decision to win. That  passionate quest for excellence. An implausible self-belief. Another way to put it is “what is stopping me from being my best?”

…. I am tired of a life of mediocrity. I am taking charge of my destiny. I owe it to myself.

.

I have seen myself in my mansion by the lake, in meetings with powerbrokers, attended to, abroad a private plane, a yatch, at a corner office with that view, on top of the world

I can’t let myself down. I expect so much of myself. So, this is what it means ‘ask too much of somebody’. I must be up for it.. no way around it

 

Before my grandmother ‘skipped town’ my grandfather (dad’s uncle) had already gone ‘AWOL’ the previous week as I headed to Shemakhokho to send off my friend’s mother. I have always been morbid – so am told – but I wondered why I was so preoccupied with death this past few days. What I’ve just outlined was my rational deduction. I am not afraid of death; I am not ready, I concluded from my conversations with self. I saw a vision of me, more accurately I imagined myself asking God to wait …

What for? I just thought I hadn’t done enough to die satisfied with my stay here.

 

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