Imagine me cracking my knuckles over my keyboard as I undertake finger calisthenics. In the next few sentences, I intend to start you on a positive vibration. I will place an explosive on your lap which you can pass around if you so wish. This is an exercise in optimism.

If you are as smart as I am you were pleasantly surprised at the recent report of the Jubilee administration’s achievement in its first year. This was the creation of 700,000 jobs which fell short of their campaign promises of 1,000,000 jobs per annum. Now by any standards this is spectacular. To create something is to bring something into existence.

There are those doubters and ‘haters’ among us but I believe. Your last names betray you. Quit bothering the president and wait for his … (20 year) term to end. Questions have a particular power of rocking anchored boats. I’m beginning to think somebody is either playing with our minds or playing with English or our understanding of it

So, how many new recruits to the disciplined forces have graduated over the jubilant period? The new personnel will be deployed immediately to help curb the rising insecurity. It’s not like we can’t get used to IED fitted PSV but, I miss Mr. John Michuki. I demand a travel advisory on my route to work.

On that note, the president of Kenya told off ‘the west’ for refusing to lengthen their visit. African hospitality, you’ve got to love it! The message was delivered in Kikuyu at a church service which just intimates the passion. It wouldn’t help if I said he threatened to source for other visitors. For a moment I was secure in the knowledge of our new found friend from ‘the East’. Then I was confused whether they come visiting or kuishi!

Good friends has no country than this; they loan you money to pay for their machinery and workforce. The real job creation. The constitution the president and his deputy swore to protect and uphold has led to a windfall in jobs both in the County and National Governments. Not forgetting the fellow renovating the Deputy President’s official residence and jet. Zuma

Embarras de richesses that is why we have decided as a country to ‘let the civil servant go’. We won’t pay ghosts without proper identification documents: KRA PIN, certificate of registration, Memoranda and Articles of Association. That corruption, is evil!

Ever since that adventure to Kismayu aren’t you curious to know what is now going on? How’s business there now that ‘the West’ don’t want our khat and are dumping our coke and heroin supply on Neptune … Osama? They say the proceeds are financing terrorism. CIA venture capital granted ‘ikira’ his startup …

What really happened in Westgate besides the bottled water? I mean all that ruckus! The latest SME is a source of foreign exchange. It has invested in some SoHo bomb making factory from readily and easily available materials, poverty, ignorance and religious fundamentalism. They can’t seem to get enough Quality Control staff. The responsibilities and remuneration will blow you away.

With competition it would be small wonder for one to comb through the dailies death and funeral announcement section for employment opportunities or befriend doctors for insider information. Bah! It isn’t that bad! Security guards and surveillance equipment have increased in demand throughout the country. The former in their impeccable uniforms and a stick to poke you with. Self-propagating business … and job creation in case somebody takes offense and shoots the guard.

saidia sirikali;

Ten people are jobless and there are five already in employment. Your job is to get everyone a job. What do you do to ensure everyone is employed?

–          Employ in shift

–          Employ in cycle

–          Lower salary employ all

–          Give the already employed a subordinate


I leave you on an abrupt note. That’s your homework


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