my heart

i stood there for a while…speechless.  i even took a few days off. contemplating what she had said… ” maybe ur heart knows its match”.

when i was ready to answer.  i thought i should shake my head and slowly lift it so that she could look into my eyes … as i cried out in agony ” my heart my heart my heart !…” , so that she could see how i suffered inside, the agony , the anguish.. the turmoil.  beating my chest like the tax collector in the temple… in a Jesus Christ parable  “… what does my heart know? ”

… i know Jeremiah 17:9  the heart is deceitful.

my heart is not a healthy place, a dark and cold place,… an abandoned city lost.  so full of anger and hate . a hell with a broken air conditioning. my heart is no place for you! infested,… choking… filthy.. .; my heart! my heart! my heart! what does my heart know… i don’t trust my heart!

“i lost the use of my heart…”  i dont remember when. how can i follow my heart? when my heart lost me.. and i lost the heart…

dont believe a word i say, “the ear is the highway to the heart”… . a man crying for but a drop to his tongue to quench his thirst! – ignore me.  you heard the Lazarus story?

if ‘God is Love’ am i an atheist? … cuss this!! in ‘here’ its all anarchy…. (am so sincere !!)

” dont touch me ” … i would say;…” dont catch a cold !! ” my heart is so…  so hardened it reflects on my face, i am a fool therefore… Ecclestiastes 8:1 (yeah, i know a little Bible) and if you stare long and hard enough into an abyss… “the eye is the gateway to the soul”… only God can save me, Jesus died for me

pride –  a poor man’s pride… is scornful of a helping hand

…what does my heart know?

Only love can save me… salvation cant hear me scream;

Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani?


i opt for a bitter smile… ” i need love – LLcoolJ”… shall be my reply


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